May 5, 2008

Hello so this past week was not the best week ever. it was a serious trail of my faith. so I attribute it to first being sick, second being incredibly frustrated, and third the lack of mail (my not so subtle hint that I didn't get any mail last week). Dearelder.com delivers same or next day. ok that's my bit about not getting mail. anyway so this week hindi mabuti (no good). so this week I was sick thus meaning that I was really tired and studying and staying awake and everything became that much harder. and it didn't help that I just couldn't do nothing cause they've got us scheduled from sun up to sun down. so this whole crappy week came to a culmination of crappiness on Thursday night. so we had been preparing for the trc all week, which was getting to know someone, sharing a short message, and setting up a return appointment all in tagalog. I could say what I had memorized and that's about it. if they asked me a question that I didn't know all I could do was stare at them like an idiot. 15 minutes has never felt like such an eternity and not only did I have to do that once, but twice. so me and my kasama (comp) came back into the central meeting room after we tried talking to them and one of the teachers that watched us started to talk to us and I just lost it. I have never been so frustrated. it was so hard and I just didn't know what to do. so I was crying, but still had to compose myself and go teach the first lesson, which went fine and I felt the spirit and taught well. but its just hard. hopefully it'll be better this week. its just hard cause they're cramming this all down my throught and I just cant swallow it. I don't know how im going to do it. I leave for the Philippines in 6 week! its just hard, but I just get up everyday and keep trying. I know that whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies so im trying to do everything that I can to do my best. so its just been a really hard week. I think that this week Heavenly Father decided to test my faith. I have never felt so much like giving up and going home, but im still here doing what I need to do. keep praying for me, I really need it. and write me some mail!!!!!!!!! its kind of a big deal. granted I can write back till Monday, but I still like getting mail.
love you all. Elder B